Crazy Life!

Have you ever had the feeling the world is flying past you and you are standing right in the middle of everything? Has your mind brought up things at times that make you smile but also made you think why that happened? Or why you couldn't change what happened to maybe make it better? Or are you in just a world full of craziness and stress? Well I feel like I have all of this in one. Let me start a while ago to help you understand...

This is my senior year of High School and I graduate next month. I have school, homework, track practice and meets, clubs, church, Bible Study, youth group events, other events, house work, spending time with my family and friends before I go, graduation stuff, graduation party stuff, college stuff, packing for college...and much more that I have to get done before I leave for college this summer.

To add on the top of all of this...I told myself at the beginning of the year, "I will not date anyone my senior year." I had a hard break up with my last boyfriend and I wasn't going to date anyone unless it was him. Here is what made this add in all the stress. I was doing fine without a boyfriend. There were times when I saw other people kissing and holding hands and giving hugs to their boyfriend/girlfriend. I got sad for a little bit and remembered how one of my relationships was. But then I got over it. One of my friends and I were talking and I got it all approved that he could take me to prom. This was all before we started dating. My friends said there was a big change in me when we were together. I didn't want to believe it. The day I was going to tell this guy he could take me to prom....he dumped me in a text message. That really hurt me and I didn't know what to do. I say I regret it but honestly I don't think I regret dating him for that short time. What I regret is breaking my promise to myself that I made at the beginning of the year.

To add on to all that now. My very first boyfriend, I really do still like him. He told me that he wished he was still with me and actually thinks he lost the girl he was suppose to be with forever. This just got me to fall and want to take him back right then and there. He was talking to me about dumping the girlfriend he has now just so he could be with me. But he also said he doesn't want to break up with his girlfriend. If he thinks I will let him play with me like that he is wrong. I am not a toy and he can only chose one of us. If God wants us together then I guess I will wait for him, but if not I will be waiting for the guy God has out for me no matter what. The more I look at the pictures of the two of us though the more I really wish I was by him to talk.

Oh it gets even more fun lol. One of my friends tried to get my ex-boyfriend (the one who dumped me in a text message) to go back out. My friend told me, "You didn't know what love was until you were with this guy. As for your other boyfriend you just thought you knew what love was." I thought it was sweet that he was trying to get us back together, but I wouldn't have let it happen. It would be way to hard for me to let him come back as anything more than a friend. How would you handle being dumped in a text instead of in person? I forgave him and still hope to be friends and still hope he stays strong with his walk with the Lord. I also hope he knows that he can always talk to me if he needs a true friend to talk to. When I told him, "I am not going to ditch you." I meant it even after we broke up.

I think it is kind of interesting how when you are looking for a guy to be with...God decides he is going to hide them on you. But as soon as you stop looking he throws a few out at you every once in a while to see if you can handle it. It is quit fun seeing who God throws at me.