Have you ever?

Have you ever had this feeling you want a relationship to last forever? Have you ever thought if you don't listen to what people say and go with your heart and what you think everything will work out? How about even when things do go bad you still fight to make them good so you stay together longer? There are many questions I can ask on this topic. And there are many questions I can answer too. These are just a few questions I have and am feeling right now.

I am in the middle of a problem and I honestly don't know what to think or do right now. There are many sides to this story. I am going to tell you my side of the story now. Apparently my boyfriend has been flirting with other girls. I am not sure if it is true or not because I have never seen it. But three other people have seen him flirting. All three people have told my sister or my mom and was brought to me. The first time I heard this I went to the bathroom and cried. Then I tried to suck it up and work on a project. I was reading poems. The poems topic was on love. I couldn't do it. I tried really hard to read them but I just couldn't I lost it.

The next time I heard about it we were taking my boyfriend home from an event. I wasn't expecting my mom to say anything and then all of a sudden we stop and she said something. I was so shocked I couldn't even think. When I got home I talking to one of my friends about this. He was a little bit of help but also made it worse.

I told him how I felt and how I really don't know what to think or do anymore. I regret saying some things I said. But those just kind of came out with the frustration. My friend told me that I need to stay with my boyfriend because he really does love me and care about me. He also told me that I shouldn't listen to anyone else just him right now. I was listening to him. I was also trying to calm down which wasn't helping. I am going to tell you what I told my friend that I regret saying. I told him that "I was so confused and so upset and just didn't know what to do." I also told him that "I really really wanted to break the necklace my boyfriend gave me and just throw everything he gave me away." I really regret saying that. That was just plain anger. I still have everything and I didn't break the necklace.

I was fighting tears so much I got to a point where I couldn't fight it anymore. There were many times I almost lost the fight but I didn't. I only lost the fight one time and that was when I went to bed last night. I was laying in bed thinking, and hoping nothing was true. I couldn't sleep at all. I layed there with my eye opened looking around the room. I even closed my eyes for just a second... after I opened them back up my eyelids felt heavy. I could feel them falling. But I didn't let them fall. I stayed awake. I even hugged a blanket thinking I would fall asleep. It didn't work. That is when I lost the fight. I couldn't sleep, I was thinking of you, and I was hoping nothing was true. After about 30 minutes my Mom brought one of our dogs downstairs. She put him on my bed. I cuddled my dog and about 5 minutes later I was asleep.

This morning I got to school and I looked for you. You were not here yet. I walked into the big room and you came through the door. A part of me really wanted to go give you a big hug. But a part of me wanted to leave you alone. After awhile I had this feeling you were walking up to me. I was just waiting for you to wrap your arms around me and give me a big hug...but you weren't there. I went to my desk and I saw you were at yours. We didn't even talk to each other. I couldn't think of anything to do but just color something. So I started to color a picture. You came by me gave me a hug and then colored too. After a while you gave me another hug. I didn't say anything.

Just cause I didn't say anything I was still happy you were there. Then after a while you walked away. I knew where you were going but I didn't follow. After morning meeting I went by you. I told you to talk to me. I honestly didn't care what about I just wanted you to talk. We talked a little bit, we had a lot of silence moments, then you started to cry. I really don't like it when people cry because then either I cry or I really fight it so I don't cry. I was fighting it that time. When you cried my heart just softened. It wasn't hard anymore. I gave you a big hug. After a while I got really tired of the silence so I had a random moment and said something. I got you to smile which was good.

I am truly sorry for what ever I did. I am not sure what but I'm sorry. I just honestly don't know what to believe. I want to believe you but when I have three different people see something and tell my Mom its hard to know what to believe. My heart says to believe you but my mind tells me to believe everyone else. I am so confused and am not sure what to do anymore.